


Lean back and breathe

by odair_goes_my_sanity



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Swearing, This got way too long, but it's ronan so obviously, i love noah so much, pynch - Freeform, this is my first trc fic so i hope it's okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8221856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odair_goes_my_sanity/pseuds/odair_goes_my_sanity
Summary: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”“Yes you do, besides” Noah tapped the side of Ronan’s head, “I know these things. No point lying.”“Fuck off Czerny you don’t know shit.”Noah released an over dramatic sigh and flopped onto Ronan’s bed.“Ah young love. It’s a beautiful if not exasperating thing.”“It’s not love. God, I only just met Parrish.”Noah sat up and just grinned at Ronan. It went on for a minute before Ronan lost patience.“What Noah?”“Who’s Parrish?” Noah grinned at Ronan again, while Ronan stared confused.“What do you mean who’s Parrish? You brought him up.”Somehow Noah managed to smile even wider.“Nuh uh, I never mentioned a Parrish. I just said that you had a crush.”Ronan went to argue, but realised that Noah was right. Fuck. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then shut it again, and then opened, then shut. Noah laughed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw @adamsrcnan 's tags on this post :http://adamsrcnan.tumblr.com/post/151387604309/theartofwazzing-maria-ruta  
> and about how this should be a pynch fic and asked someone to write it so I did!  
> Except it got stupidly long... and eight pages later I still have't actually gotten to the bit in the cartoon, so this is the first chapter... 
> 
> Title is from Life Itself by Glass Animals (which is a song in a really amazing opening credits edit for trc someone's made on youtube, it's fab you should check it out) 
> 
> I was also a bit stuck on how to start this, so if it's a bit awkward to read at first hopefully it gets better as it goes along

It was only 9:45 in the morning. Adam had only been a student of Aglionby Academy for an hour and fifteen minutes, and yet it was an hour and fifteen minutes too long. He had no idea what he was thinking, no amount of training himself to soften his accent or studying extra hours to get a scholarship was enough; he stood out too much, everyone knew what he was.

But it was fine, he wasn’t here to make friends, he was here to get good grades, get accepted into colleges and get out of Henrietta. Still, a few friends might have been nice.

It was only 9:45 in the morning of his first day, it would get better and if it didn’t, well, Adam Parrish was a genius at keeping his head down and persevering.

 

* * *

 

 

It was only 9:45 in the morning. Ronan had suffered through six years and an hour and fifteen minutes of being an Aglionby Academy student, six years and an hour and fifteen minutes too long. He had no idea what he was thinking, there was no point being here, no lessons would peak his interests and no one was interesting enough to entertain him; he stood out too much, no one knew what he was.

But it was fine, he was here because of Gansey, his friend, his _brother_ , he was here to please him, leave Aglionby and get back to the Barns. Still, something to make the day go faster might have been nice.

It was only 9:45 in the morning of his first day of the school year, and it was only going to get worse, Ronan Lynch had no interest in keeping his head down and persevering. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Lynch, I’m begging you- two more years and we’re done. Just show up to classes and don’t cause too much trouble.” Even Gansey didn’t seem convinced with his own words, causing trouble and Ronan Lynch were synonyms for each other, ones that refused to be separated.

Ronan smirked, a look Gansey knew too well, a look saying _‘Come on Dick, why are you even trying?’_ Gansey didn’t know why he was trying, so instead he rolled his eyes, hit Ronan across the shoulder and walked to his history class, shouting an ‘ _at least try’_ as he left.

Gansey’s words ring around Ronan’s head now as he stares into the eyes of his Principle, and again louder as he stares back at the broken marble statue that shattered as he and Noah skidded into it after riding an upside down desk from an abandoned classroom down the stairs. Noah, the absolute fucker, of course evaporated as soon as the marble crashed to the floor and echoed throughout the hall, leaving Ronan standing amidst the broken shards with no choice but to turn around and meet the furious glare of his Principle with his very best shit eating grin and innocent shrug of the shoulders.

He felt regret for his actions as he thought of Gansey’s disappointment, but then it was gone just as quickly as it came. He was ready for whatever the man in front of him was going to scream, and judging by the red that’s creeping up his face and along the exposed skin due to his receding hair line, it wasn’t going to pretty.

He stared out the window, his gaze following a crow flying around the school grounds and tried his best to achieve a nonchalance, not giving-a-shit composure. The exasperated sigh on his left proved that it was working. In that moment Ronan was envious of the bird he was watching, free to roam and go wherever he wanted, the world was his to explore, he came to Aglionby to piss about a bit, eat something, do whatever he wanted and then literally shit on the school and leave. It was doing everything Ronan wish he could. His focus was broken however when the bird flew off and was instead replaced with a boy walking across the courtyard. Nothing extraordinary, a boy in a boy’s school, and yet it was. Ronan couldn’t help but be curious about this boy with the sandy blonde hair and uniform that was falling off his shoulders. The most fascinating thing, however, was the way this boy walked. In the whole time Ronan was watching him, in a totally non-creepy way, the boy hadn’t looked up from the ground, in fact he was looking as if he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. As if sensing Ronan’s eyes on him, the boy looked up, and hastily gazed around his shoulders and then when he saw nothing there but the empty courtyard, gripped his satchel strap and did some kind of awkward skip-run-walk thing to travel quicker.

Ronan rolled his eyes, _weird fucker._

Ronan hadn’t listened to anything that was being said to him, but it was obvious where he’d be spending the next few hours.

 

* * *

 

 He’d never felt so stupid in his life. Growing up with Robert Parrish, Adam thought that he was ready for whatever today may bring, but God he was wrong. Through years of living in the trailer park Adam knew the extent of his father’s abuse, new what to expect when he got home and how to diffuse situations as best as he could, he knew to never expect comfort from his mother or sympathy from his neighbours. So in theory, Aglionby was going to be easy. But it wasn’t. Adam liked being in control, he liked to prepare for every situation he could get himself into; that’s why he did so well at school, he was a planner, he didn’t do spontaneity. But he was out of his depth here, he didn’t know what to expect from the boys here, he didn’t know if it was him they were laughing at, or whether or not the boy today actually was helping him or making fun of him or whether or not when he walked into class and those boys started practicing ‘their best hick accents’ if it was a coincidence or if it was to hurt him.

He didn’t know anything.

Adam Parrish had no control and he didn’t know how to fix it.

And he was good at fixing things, that’s why Boyd’s was his favourite out of his jobs. It was logical, he could see what was wrong with a car and he knew how to fix it, what to replace and what just needed adjusting. Life, unfortunately, wasn’t as straight forward.

It was 3.45 and Adam wanted to cry, but instead he went to his job and started planning his homework and dreamt of his future.

 

* * *

 

 

He’d never felt so bored in his life. Growing up with Niall Lynch, Ronan thought that he was ready for all the wonders the world may bring, he grew up in a house full of impossible things- himself included. He never knew what to expect when he got home, what new creation was ready for him to explore and be fascinated by. He loved discovering all the new things that the world had to offer. So in theory, Aglionby was going to be amazing. But it wasn’t. Ronan was in awe of beautiful things, things that created light and shone with opportunities and questions, and that’s why he did so badly at school, he wasn’t a planner, he loved spontaneity. He was out of his depth here, he didn’t know the answer to sums or the old Presidents of America or the difference between mass and weight.

He didn’t know anything.

Ronan Lynch was being controlled and he didn’t know how to break it.

And he was good at breaking things, that’s why boxing was his favourite sport. It was logical, you saw the weak parts of a defence and you attacked it, you knew what punch to throw, what angle to go in at and what you’re opponent needed to improve. Life, unfortunately, wasn’t as straightforward. It was 3.45 and Ronan wanted to scream, but instead he got into his car, blasted his music and drowned out his thoughts and dreamt of a different world and impossible things.

* * *

 

 

 Ronan wasn’t surprised when Gansey phoned to say that his piece of shit car had broken down again and he was taking it to Boyd’s to be fixed.

He was surprised when he actually bothered to answer his phone and agreed to meet Gansey down there.

Maybe he was feeling a lot guiltier about today’s detention than he thought.

Or he was bored shitless and had nothing better to do.

Either, or.

He was even more surprised when he arrived and saw Gansey laughing at something the guy fixing his car said and saw that it was his genuine laugh and not his Richard Campbell Gansey III laugh. _That twist in his stomach was not jealousy._

He was left frozen in surprise when he saw that the boy making Gansey laugh was the weird boy who he saw walking across the school today. He had to clench his jaw to stop it from dropping when the boy turned round and Ronan saw the full display of his dimples as he laughed. _That twist in his stomach was jealousy and nothing fucking else._

“Ronan! Meet Adam Parrish. Absolute genius, he’s fixing my car – I have no idea how he’s doing it.” Gansey turned to face Ronan and Ronan was only a little annoyed to see the genuine smile that was still there.

“Absolutely fascinating Dick.” Ronan could think of a million different places he’d rather be right now, on the top of the list was finding and punching a wall whilst trying to forget Adam Parrish’s stupid dimpled smile.

“Ronan, be nice.” _Ah, here it is, Richard Campbell Gansey III has made his appearance to stop Ronan from being a dick._ Gansey’s good at regaining composure, Ronan’ll give him that, he continued talking as if Ronan had given him an appropriate answer to his introduction. “Today was Adam’s first day of Aglionby, he’s in our year. We were just talking actually, he has Whelk for Latin- poor bastard- but that does mean he’ll be in our class.”

“Answers to questions I didn’t ask Dick.”

The room went silent, and left some time for Ronan to regret being such an arsehole, but only temporarily. He did feel his stomach drop a little though as he saw Adam’s smile fall and be replaced with a deep sadness that almost looked like betrayal. _Whatever, not my problem Parrish is sensitive._

Gansey threw Ronan a disappointed look before touching Adam’s lower back and steered him back to the pig. Ronan heard him mumbling an apology to Adam as they walked, and saw Adam’s head shrink into his shoulders and stare down at the ground, looking as if he wanted it to swallow it up again.

Ronan really wanted to go punch that wall now.

 

* * *

 

 

He felt awful. It was because Gansey came home and gave him a massive ‘disappointed in you’ lecture, he had found out about the statue incident and was disgusted with how he treated Adam.

Well, maybe disgusted was too strong a word. Ronan hope’s it’s too strong a word. He can pretend to not give a shit about anyone’s opinion, but he wouldn’t know what to do if he lost Gansey.

“This is some real playground pigtail pulling bullshit Lynch.”

“Jesus shit Noah! How many times have I told you to stop being creepy?” Ronan grasped at his chest, as he jumped embarrassingly high as Noah appeared next to him. Noah just smirked.

“Rude. I’m not creepy, I’m endearing.” Ronan scoffed and was ready to answer but Noah instead raised his hand and continued, “I’m being serious, this whole compensating for your crush by being a dick thing is ridiculous.”

Ronan didn’t know what to respond. He didn’t know what Noah was talking about.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Noah raised an eyebrow, an odd sight on a ghost Ronan mused, and rolled his eyes.

“Yes you do, besides” Noah tapped the side of Ronan’s head, “I know these things. No point lying.”

Ronan was fuming. He had to dream of something that blocked Noah from reading his thoughts, especially when he hadn’t really known he was even thinking them to begin with.

“Fuck off Czerny you don’t know shit.”

Noah released an over dramatic sigh and flopped onto Ronan’s bed.

“Ah young love. It’s a beautiful if not exasperating thing.”

“It’s not love. God, I only just met Parrish.”

Noah sat up and just grinned at Ronan. It went on for a minute before Ronan lost patience.

“What Noah? What is with the creepy staring?”

“Again, endearing not creepy. Also, who’s Parrish?”

Noah grinned at Ronan again, while Ronan stared confused.

“What do you mean who’s Parrish? You brought him up.”

Somehow Noah managed to smile even wider.

“Nuh uh, I never mentioned a Parrish. I just said that you had a crush.”

Ronan went to argue, but realised that Noah was right. Fuck. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then shut it again, and then opened, then shut. Noah laughed.

“Nice. I like your fish impression. Not sure if it’s the kind of thing Adam looks for in a guy though.”

Ronan was fuming again.

“Fuck off Noah. I’m serious, I will throw you out of that window.”

“You wouldn’t”

“Yes I fucking would.”

“Would not”

“Would too”

Noah allowed himself to feel happy at the fact that he was probably the only person who could ever get Ronan to talk like this, he loved all his friends, but he especially valued what Ronan allowed him to see of himself. If only occasionally by non-consenting mind reading.

“Ronan relax. I won’t tell anyone, I just want to help.”

“I don’t need help, there’s nothing to help me with.”

“But how will you ever woo Adam?”

“I’m not fucking wooing anyone, Jesus Noah.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun!”

“Right I’m done with this.” Ronan stood up and stomped towards his door, but Noah just vanished and appeared in front of him before he could leave.

“Just please, for my sake, just admit that you have a tinsy tiny crush on Adam.” Noah looked up at Ronan with his best puppy eyes, a truly pitiful sight when paired with Noah’s smudgy cheek. Ronan scrubbed a hand down his face and let out a sigh. Noah noticed the tinge of red that graced the tips off his ears.

“Fine.” Noah stared at Ronan expectantly. After another minute of silence Noah rolled his eyes and motioned with his hands for Ronan to continue. He looked everywhere but Noah’s eyes, his blush increasing by the second.

“What do you want me to say Noah? God I only saw him for a second, it’s not like a documented every fucking feature of his face. What, do you think I came home and wrote a fucking diary entry about his dimples and smile and what? Dreamt about his blue eyes and thought about whether or not his hair is soft to touch? Jesus do you think I’m some horny teenage girl?”

Noah looked like it was Christmas. He stared at Ronan and grinned and then stared some more and widened his grin as far as he could.

“Oh my- What the fuck Noah?”

“You dreamt about Adam’s eyes. You want to know if his hair is soft. Oh my god Ronan this is the best thing that’s ever- mmph.” Noah was cut off as Ronan hurtled pillows at him from his bed. He stormed out of his room and slammed his door shut to Noah’s hysterical laughter.

“What was that about?” Gansey was sat on his bed, glasses perched on his nose, Welsh mythology book open on his lap, looking equally parts confused, worried and entertained.

“Czerny’s a dick, that’s what that’s about.”

With that Ronan left Monmouth and its two equally entertained residents.

 

* * *

 

 Ronan considered himself a patient guy. Well, that was a complete lie. But he tried to be patient with Gansey, but after catching him for the fifth time staring at Ronan and then guiltily averting his gaze, Ronan was beginning to lose patience.

It had been two weeks since the whole, Adam and Noah thing and things were starting to smooth over. Adam had started hanging out with them, and Ronan was being civil. And by that, he was glaring at him from a distance and refusing to talk to him, hoping that he looked intimidating rather than embarrassed and love struck.

Love struck, Jesus he needs to stop spending so much time with Noah.

Another hesitant glance from Gansey and he snapped.

“Spit it out Gansey, what have I done now?” Gansey at least had the decency to look embarrassed and a little guilty, but didn’t say anything. Ronan glared at him, refusing to break eye contact until Gansey caved.

He let out a sigh and finally said, “I know.”

The only sound was the Pig’s pathetic sounds of functioning. Ronan continued to stare.

“You’re going to have to give me more than that Gansey, there’s not a lot I can work with there.”

Gansey let out another sigh as if this conversation was physically paining him. Ronan knew the feeling.

“Adam. I know about Adam.”

More silence.

“Blood from a stone Gansey. Seriously you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

“Oh my- fine, okay. I know about Adam, you liking Adam. I know about your crush on Adam. Parrish. Adam Parrish, I know that you like-"

“For the love of God Gansey I get it.”

Gansey sheepishly mumbled an apology and like that, the silence was back.

Ronan had no idea what to do. How did he do this? He doesn’t do this. Feelings. Emotions. Especially not discussing boys he likes with Gansey.

“I- uh, I don’t like-” Gansey just held out a hand to stop him. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but just don’t deny it, okay. I won’t say anything, we don’t have to ever talk about it again, but please don’t lie to me Ronan. I, uh, I don’t want for this to turn into something that you’re, you know ashamed of, or, or feel like you can’t talk to me about. I mean you don’t have to, but I want you to know that you can.” Gansey finished with an awkward cough. Ronan wanted to die.

Yes Ronan appreciated that he had a friend like Gansey, and honestly when he thinks about this conversation later he’s sure that he will feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that after everything that the world has punished him with, it gave him Gansey.

But for now Ronan wanted to die.

He wanted to punch something, and scream and get drunk and go racing. He felt like he should go to St Agnes and pray.

“I still think you should woo him”

“Jesus Fucking- Noah!” The car swerved as Gansey yelled at Noah’s sudden appearance in the back seat.

“Noah, I’m _driving_. You can’t just- forget it. Sorry, you were saying something about wooing?”

Unbelievable. Ronan really admires Gansey’s composure.

“Yes, I think that Ronan should try to woo Adam. Work hard to please him. You know considering he’s been nothing but a complete ass to him since he met him.” Noah grinned at Ronan through the rear view mirror, Ronan flipped him off.

He felt like he was going to combust, he wasn’t sure if the heat in his face was due to embarrassment or anger. Probably a large combination of the two.

“Oh I like it! Good idea Noah, actually there’s an old welsh tradition that - ” Gansey was cut off by Ronan and Noah groaning, and instead mumbled a “No need to be rude” under his breath.

“Right I’ve had enough of this, no more of this conversation. Gansey _shouldn’t even know about this_.” Ronan turned round and glared at Noah. “What happened to _not my secret to tell?_ ” Noah actually looked hurt but before he could say anything Gansey let out a cry.

“Wait. Noah knew about this before me? You actually told Noah?”

“No need to seem so scandalised, why is it shocking that he tells me things?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Noah I didn’t mean it like that, of course he should tell you- I just thought- why did you think you couldn’t tell me Ronan?”

“Wait how did you know then if Noah didn’t tell you? And wait before you answer, Noah you don’t get to be offended because I didn’t tell you in the first place you did your weird creepy-as-shit mind reading thing and found out.” Noah crossed his arms and sulked in the backseat.

It was silent in the car again.

“Gansey?” Ronan hoped that he managed to mask his vulnerability and worry with his aggression.

Gansey let out another sigh.

“I didn’t know for sure, I just I thought. I don’t know. You just seem different around him.”

“He’s still a dick.”

“Yes, thank you for your contribution Noah. It’s just, I don’t know, I, you, I don’t know.”

“Wow. Inspiring words Gansey I’m so glad I asked.” Ronan huffed and turned to look out the window. This journey felt like it would never end.

Gansey exchanged a pained expression with Noah in the mirror, neither knowing what to do. It was a while before Noah broke the silence.

“He, um, he likes you too by the way. Adam I mean.” Ronan was leaning his head on the glass of the window and made no appearance of wanting to move. He was tracing patterns in the fog of the window, he felt defeated somehow and he hated it. He was apparently so transparent anyway so there’s no point even trying to hide his feelings anymore.

With no answer Noah continued,

“Ronan.”

Ronan let out an angry huff, “What Noah?”

“He likes you.”

“Yeah I heard you the first time.”

“Well why didn’t you reply?”

An uneasy atmosphere had settled throughout the car.

“Just stop fucking with me Noah I’m not in the mood.”

It’d been a while since either Gansey or Noah had heard Ronan like this, they didn’t know what to do. They had begun to learn how to deal with an angry volatile, and even sometimes drunk Ronan. They didn’t know what to do with a hurt and heartbroken one.

“You don’t have to listen to me, but I’m not lying. Adam likes you.” As an afterthought Noah laughs and adds, “Fuck knows why, but he does. Honestly if you did something he wouldn’t reject you. Maybe you could write him a note or something.”

They’d pulled up to Aglionby, and Ronan muttered a whatever and slammed the door. Gansey and Noah exchanged another pained expression and then Noah patted Gansey’s shoulder and disappeared.

Gansey sighed and opened the door.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! 
> 
> So I'll continue it and actually get to the cartoon bit, but you know, technicalities... 
> 
> Kudos and comments and all that are always hugely appreciated! 
> 
> Feel free to come fangirl with me on tumblr : odair-goes-my-sanity
> 
> <3


End file.
